The Journey

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted. Psalm 34:18
...I miscarried on Wednesday, May 19th, 2010, at 9 weeks 6 days.
"I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me." Jeremiah 29:11-13

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Conquering Fear

Fear is the easier path to take right now, but I do not wish to do what would be easy. Isn't that what the enemy is hoping for? My mind is set against it, speaking truth to my heart. Lord, let it deeply sink in.

This fear came on suddenly, when my DS boarded a bus for a youth convention. DH was at work, and I was alone at the edge of Highway 16...watching the yellow bus shrinking in the distance, and disappearing over the horizon. Fear. What if I lost my other child? Why did I let him go? Fear. What if I lost everyone near to me? Fear. What if all of my worst fears came true? What if...

"Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand." Isaiah 41:10


Banishing those fears, demanding they depart, I meet DH for lunch and we venture together to purchase a round paving stone that I've chosen to use in the memorial in lieu of a field stone. I'm anxious to get started. This will likely take several days, but I will post a picture of the completed stone in the near future.

I am trying my best to have courage and really feel the love of God...but no matter my struggle, I was recently reminded that "God is a big boy. He can handle my fears, sadness, and frustration."

Ultimately, I do believe that my children belong to God, not to me. And whether they are here with me on the earth, or in God's presence in heaven...they are in God's hands. He loves them. He loves me...I do wish that Hope could have been here with me for quite a while longer though.

I am convinced that nothing can ever seperate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow - not even the powers of hell can seperate us from God's love." Romans 8:38
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2 comments:

  1. AnonymousMay 27, 2010 at 8:49 PM

    When I went through a particular trial, I learned why the phrase "fear gripped my heart" was coined. That is exactly how I felt -- like that fear had a tight grip on my heart. The prayers and support of good friends released me from that tight grip of fear. From the natural, human side -- fear is there but God is there holding us too! Remembering that is hard sometimes and yet helpful too!
    Praying for you!
    Elaine K

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  2. AnonymousMay 27, 2010 at 8:59 PM

    I love that verse."Nothing can seperate us from God's love" Not grief, fear, anxiety or discouragement.You are so loved by God, family and friends today.

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